Okay, so I haven’t posted in like three months. My profuse apologies. Forgive me while I vomit up a short list of my activities over the past several weeks, a.k.a. things I would advise you do while in Russia:
1) Make new friends on the street. Hang out with them for 14 hours at a time with no specified goals or plans. Be open to climbing through bogs, getting two-inch gel manicures, and watching badly dubbed American horror films at midnight at the theater.
2) Find and become a regular at a Turkish cafe called “Meat House,” but only if the M on the sign was clearly stolen from the McDonalds down the road during construction. The main goal: find wifi. If you find a Meat House in another country or without the McD’s signature symbol, enter at your own risk if you’re not into the whole gay club scene thing.
3) Start learning another foreign language on the side so that you don’t go completely insane.
4) Get into dance-offs with random strangers who sass you at the club. Because if you win. Well. There is no greater victory, my friend.
5) Find translating/editing work. Just don’t expect punctuality from your coworkers. Even if they expect punctuality from you. I still can’t figure out whether or not time is actually important in this culture. It seems like all the important things are left until the last minute, and really insignificant things are suddenly NECESSARY RIGHT NOW OR WITHIN FIVE MINUTES. With all due respect, Russia. Maybe some day all this will suddenly become crystal clear.
6) Do buy the entire No Doubt/Gwen Stefani discography for three dollah at the store. Don’t be too disappointed when it says that ‘The Sweet Escape’ is included and it isn’t. You can’t have everything in life, especially not in a country where all CDs are pirated, so get over it.
7) DON’T be afraid to say no to your Aunt when she keeps giving you food. Because no matter how many times you say no, she’ll give it to you anyway and expect you to finish it. And you will not be able to breathe afterward. Take an inhaler with you or something. I don’t know how to get avoid this one.
8) DON’T put bananas and triugolniki in the fridge together. Because banana-flavored pirozhki are like the most awkward taste I’ve ever experienced. It basically would have been better not to eat at all.
Everything is much better now that the RHCP are on my iPod and now that I’m not as sick, but I also don’t have any food in my house except paté and chicken bullion and half of a pomegranate. 30rock isn’t quite as funny in Russian, but it works. I am переживаюing. I’ll post something more legitimate and more feeling later.